Angela and I have been praying since beginning of her diagnosis for wisdom in navigating treatment options. Between traditional medicine, natural remedies, medical centers in other countries, weirdos (those who became an expert in their basement), and conspiracy theorists on the Internet, there are many choices. Then, of course, there is the choice to do nothing.
We've received lots of suggestions, links, and articles from strangers, friends, and family. On top of that we've been researching on our own. There is so much to wade through that one could spend 40 hours a day (I know there aren't that many hours in a day), every day for a year, and still not read through all the information that is available... isn't the Internet a beautiful thing!?
Needless to say, the amount of information and options has been overwhelming. It feels like being in the middle of a blizzard. There's a temptation to give in to the weight and simply quit, but there is also a persistent desire to push through and seek God's wisdom.
That brings us to Wednesday and to explain Wednesday I need to explain Tuesday night. On Tuesday night, Angela and I were experiencing one of those moments where we were feeling the weight of information overload. Some of the information was good, while much was either conflicting, incorrect, or upon reading the entire article we discovered that it only applied to very specific and unrelated situations.
On Wednesday, Angela spent much of the day reflecting on the wisdom part of James 1 and seeking God's direction. That night, when Angela was tucking Ruby in, they began their devotions in her kid's bible (which I love because of the pictures). The story was David and Goliath, and as Angela and Ruby talked about the story together, a moment of wisdom/clarity was given to Angela. Later that night, Angela told me about it and it 'clicked' for me too.
The wisdom and application from the story came from the exchange between David and King Saul over whether or not to wear the King's armor. In the end, David didn't feel comfortable wearing the armor and chose to use the weapon and the way God had given him to succeed in the past (his sling and a few rocks). God spoke to Angela through this in a very simple way... Angela's approach to facing this giant in her life needs to be done in a way that is personal and familiar to her. Other methods/weapons may work for or fit some, but if they do not fit her then she isn't to use them. Her decisions moving forward need to be in the rhythm and familiarity of her personal walk with God.
We both believe this to be God's will for our lives in responding to the multitude of choices. Others may shake their head in dismay if we make a choice that is different from the one they would make (similarly to how King Saul must have shaken his head about David's decision to go into battle with just a sling), but we believe that this is God's will for our lives.
Until this point, when we've faced options that made us feel uncomfortable, there has been a nagging doubt and/or an irrational hope. The nagging doubt has come from us second guessing our wisdom... wondering if we're being stubborn, closed-minded, or weak in faith. The irrational hope has come from that place in your heart experienced when you're about to scratch a lotto ticket and you have that feeling like it's going to be a winner... it's that desire to believe in something so much that you ignore wisdom and/or facts. It's the stuff that manifests in gold rushes, snake-oil purchases, and housing bubbles.
Every medical choice up until this point has felt like being in a blizzard, but this moment of clarity, provided in God's wisdom, it feels like turning on to a road that is well salted, sanded, and marked.
I hope that came out the way God revealed it in our hearts.
