Caring Enough to Confront

I just re-read Caring Enough to Confront by David Augsburger in preparation for a discussion group on this book with some of our ministry leaders. There are very few books that I would recommend everyone read and this is one. Because no one is an island unto them self, this book is helpful for everyone.

Its success is found in the practical way the author rolls out Biblical relational truth and health. While there are lots of folks teaching general principles, very few are able to understand the principle so well that they can break it down in such helpful ways. He literally gives the reader the words to say and the reason for each word.

The basic premise of the book is that confronting those we love doesn’t have to be difficult or destructive. Augsburger teaches that healthy confrontation is critical to the health and growth of all relationships. When done correctly, the net result is that both parties love each other more and are better for the exchange.

I underlined about one-third of the book, but here are a few of my favourite short excerpts [there’s way more stuff that you will find more helpful than the following quotes… these are more for my own filing]:

“Avoiding honest statements of real feelings and viewpoints is often considered kindness, thoughtfulness or generosity. More often it is the most cruel thing I can do to others. It is benevolent lying. Selective honesty is not honesty at all. I find myself using it (1) to avoid real relationships with others … (2) to avoid clear confrontation with others; (3) to manipulate situations or facts to protect myself or others.” (p.31)

“In speaking truthfully, I welcome you to the sacred room of my soul.” (p.32)

“Closed questions have one obvious response. Often they are a strategy for directing, dominating, or controlling the other.  … [Examples] ‘Don’t you feel that…?’ ‘Wouldn’t you rather…?’" (p.34-35)

“’… to demand by angry words or pouting that others recognize the preciousness of the self I am … Such demands fail because in making my demand I reject and ignore the very persons I want to love me’” (p.48 – quoting Frank Kimper)

“When unchallenged, human beings often become self-centered, individualistic, self-absorbed. When unchallenged, human groups tend to drift, wander or stagnate. When unchallenged, relationships tend to repent, become routine, become stale or stuck. Life without challenge and confrontation is directionless, aimless, passive; or selfish, self-serving, empty.” (p. 61)

“A context of caring can be created when a person is truly for another; genuinely concerned about another, authentically related to another.” (p.62)

I underlined Chapter 7 from beginning to end. Everyone needs to read it.

“Which is it? ‘Insanity is inherited – you get it from your children’ or ‘True parents delight as their kids surpass them’?” (p.139)

“’When I kill my enemy, do I destroy my way to God – do I, in fact, kill God?’" (p.164)
 
 

Heaven / Daniel A. Brown

In preparation for this Sunday’s message I read, What the Bible Reveals About Heaven by Daniel A. Brown. Overall I found it to be an accurate and balanced summary. Weaknesses of the book included wordiness, disjointed development of the topic, and no pictures (c’mon… it’s given a visual description in the Bible).

He does a good job of clearly explaining spirit, soul, and flesh (all of which are a critical part to understanding eternity). He also explains what happens to people when they die and how Christ’s death and resurrection changes this and what Christ’s return will look like.  He also answers popular questions and addresses popular myths.

Below are some excerpts I highlighted:

“Heaven is not made of the same stuff of this world. None of our natural senses can perceive it. Lots of people have their own images of what it will be like – in the same way I pictured Disneyland and the big with gate. But Heaven cannot be imagined from our end of things.” (p.11)

“Heaven is wonderful … wonderful means miraculous and other-worldly – something that causes us to feel awe. It describes things for which we have no earthly context, no way with which to understand them within the physical laws that govern our world.” (p.13)

“Heaven is not just about what God has in store for us after this life; it is about what God has been arranging for us from before the time when the foundations of earth were set.” (p.15)

“The same proclamation God made through a star in the first heaven, and by an angel from the second heaven, He declared through Himself out of the third heaven.” (p.66)

“The soul has the power of will, reason, and emotion, and it reveals its life in the choices we make, the thoughts we think, the desires we have, and the virtues/vices we possess.”  …  “…spirit is best understood as what ‘moves’ the soul.” (pp.68-69)

“My body exists in the earthly realm of the cosmos, but it cannot function in that realm without my soul animating it. In the same way, my soul exists in the spiritual real of the second heaven, but it cannot function in that realm without my spirit quickening it.” (p.71)

“Every one of us has asked ourselves the cosmic question ‘Why do weeds seem to grow so easily, when plants have to struggle to survive?’ The answer is the curse of Adam.” (p.136)

“Not a single confusing, taxing or troubling circumstance will exist in the new heavens and earth. Everything there will be for our sakes – like in the Garden of Eden – to bless us and to do us good forever.” (p.144)

“Our uniqueness will not be lost in Heaven, but accentuated. We will not get lost in the crowd in Heaven.” (p.162)

Ordering Your Private World

Just re-read Ordering Your Private World by Gordon MacDonald. It's a classic and needs to be read every few years as it serves to push me back to biblical priorities.

It's a book that speaks most specifically to those in leadership capacities, but can translate to any life/context. Here are some excerpts I found insightful and inspiring:

“Now, there is a busyness that reflects a plan of activity, a pattern of priorities, and a sense of purposefulness. It is a good and satisfying busyness through which one grows and increases competence. But there is also a busyness … that reflects a chaotic way of life – a way doing in which one is simply responding to the next thing in the day.” (p.1)

“Sadly, we do not have a Christian culture today that easily discriminates between a person of spiritual depth and a person of raw talent.” (pp.5-6)

“’Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life.’ (Prov. 4:23)” (p.23)

“How did we get to a day when stress and fatigue are almost a badge of success?” (p.30)

“What I had to learn was that my drivenness needed to be consecrated on a daily basis.” (p.40)

“If my private world is in order, it will be because, having faced up to what drives me, I listen quietly for the call of Christ.” (p.46)

“An audience with Jesus over a period of time exposes all the roots and expression of drivenness.” (p.54)

“When driven people lose things, it is a major crisis. When called people lose them, nothing of substance has changed.” (p.62)

“[John the Baptist’s] parents were marked with an extraordinary depth of integrity, godliness, and perseverance.” (p.68).

“If my private world is in order, it will be because I have made a daily determination to see time as God’s gift and worthy of careful investment.” (p.73)

“… Jesus clearly understood His mission. He had an overarching task to perform, and He measured His use of time against that sense of mission.” (p.82)

“To be in front at the first turn is meaningless without the endurance to finish strongly.” (p.105)

“If we are ever to develop a spiritual life that gives contentment, it will be because we approach spiritual living as a discipline, much as the athlete trains his body for competition.” (p.140)

“Moses brought with him uncompromised standards of heaven; Aaron caved in to the whims of men. It was all in the listening.” (p.154)

“’Blessed be to God for the day of rest and religious occupation wherein earthly things assume their true size. Ambition is stunted.’ [quoting from Wilberforce’s journal]” (p.191)

“Sabbath rest penetrates to the deepest levels of fatigue in the inner, private world. This fatigue is rarely touched by any of the modern amusements.” (p.194)

“… the rest God instituted was meant first and foremost to cause us to interpret our work, to press meaning into it, to make sure we know to whom it is properly dedicated.” (p.195)
  
  

"Wait" by Frank Partnoy

Sorry for all the short book reviews, but sitting in a hospital room for 14 hours a day gives lots of time for reading. Last week, Ang and I stopped by Chapters and I am dangerous in there… I could walkout with thirty books in less than five minutes. The danger in my excitement is that I sometimes pick-up books that are a waste of time. This book was one of them.

The book is called, Wait: The Art and Science of Delay, by Frank Partnoy. Its attractive cover and glitzy byline sold me. The nature of the book falls into the same category as Malcolm Gladwell and Seth Godin books… quirky observations of human behavior and cultural/corporate success.

The basic premise of the book is set out to combat the time-oriented cultural value of our tireless pursuit of efficiency. Our culture looks down on procrastination, but Partnoy argues that in certain contexts procrastination is a great thing. He uses elite athletes, fighter pilot techniques, and Sun Tzu’s The Art of War approach to defend his observation. His premise is that more successful decisions are reached when one delays a decision to the last possible moment. This delay allows one to observe, adjust, and then act/decide. Successful people are able to determine how long acting on the decision will take and then subtract that time from the deadline, allowing them the beginning/remaining time to observe and adjust. This process of delaying a decision can be done in milliseconds or years (depending on the context/deadline).

In another part he discusses the importance of latency or slack in complex systems. From a Biblical perspective this sounds like “Sabbath”. He then responds to Gladwell’s observation of “thin slicing” and noting the danger of basing our perspective of others solely on first impressions. When it comes to public speaking he addresses the use of delay in powerful speeches and comedy. He also reflects other nuances of waiting as it relates to stock investments, relational success, and other areas of application.

Overall the book is a waste of time and could have been a tenth of the length. The majority of the book is an overuse of storytelling and social experiments… fluff. Even the physical size of the book is awkward as it’s a touch too big.

I find it funny how so many of these kinds of books back up God’s truth and wisdom as revealed in Scripture, but because the world doesn’t see the Bible as Truth, it finds the need to spend millions of dollars and hours on social research only to discover what God has already told us.

"since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse. For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened." Romans 1:19-21 (NIV)

"The Lord's Supper" / Gordon T. Smith

Just finished reading The Lord’s Supper: Five Views edited by Gordon T. Smith.  It features five views of what our Church calls “communion”. The five views represented are Catholic, Lutheran, Reformed, Baptist, and Pentecostal. The format of the book allows a spokesperson of each viewpoint to write an essay and then have the other four writers give a short critique.

I found this book helpful for clearing up misconceptions about the various views. There is in each view a passion on a certain aspect of the Lord’s Supper that I can appreciate. However, the passion is, in many of the views, the very thing that causes division over what was ordered by God to be a unifying experience.

As with most disagreements there is usually some truth in each side. People generally aren’t that stupid and the angle for their view often has merit. That being said, it breaks my heart to see Christians denying fellow brothers and sisters in Christ the opportunity to share in the Lord’s Supper.

Coming from a Pentecostal perspective, I believe the bread and the “wine” are symbols that when shared through obedience and faith becomes a meaningful experience by which the presence of the Spirit points to the past, present, and future work of Christ. This pointing to Christ isn't just an intellectual exercise, but an experiential one where Christ's presence by His Spirit, impacts us not only on a personal level, but also on a corporate level. In this process our being (both personal [mind, soul, and strength] and corporate [unified body of Christ]) is nourished in Christ. In doing this we experience Christ’s reality and power. In doing this we remember and proclaim His death. In doing this we are humbled before Christ and one another.

I don't have time to reflect on all the views presented, but I did think it important to note that Catholics do not believe that the bread and wine actually change physical properties to become Christ's actual flesh and blood. They prefer to describe it like this, "Externally, the bread and wine retain their appearance even after consecration. Yet at the same time the whole Christ is sacramentally present in them--the whole Christ, body and blood, soul and divinity." (p.17). Because the whole Christ is present in the Lord's Supper (as far as Catholics believe), Catholics see the Lord's Supper as the source and summit of the Christian life, because the Lord's Supper re-presents the very Christ. It's easy to see why Catholics get criticized by other streams of the Christian faith as this view makes the Lord's Supper look like another appearance/need for Jesus to again do the work He did on the cross, instead of pointing to His once-and-for-all work on Calvary. It's often interpreted as idolatry (the elements are looked upon as divine). Catholics will argue that this is not what they believe, but it is easy to see how the optics and language of their practice make it look otherwise. My summary is not sufficient so if you want a greater look, buy the book.

This is a good book for those in, or interested in, pastoral ministry. It’s a quick and fun read.

   

"The Conflict" by Elisabeth Badinter

I one day hope to be adequately prepared to present a sermon series on gender and identity. In preparation for that time I am studying Scripture in addition to reading Christian and secular books on the topic. I'd like to be as in touch with our world's views of these issues as I am Scripture's so that I can clearly and competently connect the two. It is my observation that most Christians (myself included) are not adequately prepared when discussing these issues due to ignorance of Scripture and ignorance of other worldviews. This book "review" is the beginning of many on this topic. [If you're here simply for updates on Angela, I apologize as this blog serves many functions and this post disrupts the flow of her updates.]

I just finished reading, The Conflict: How Modern Motherhood Undermines the Status of Women by Elisabeth Badinter.  Badinter is a philosophy teacher at Ecole Polytechnique in Paris and has authored a number of best sellers relating to feminism. Her voice is an influential one and her teaching/writing pushes a feminist agenda.

The main thrust of this book is the belief that “reverence for all things natural glorifies an old concept of the maternal instinct and applauds masochism [pleasure in being abused or dominated] and sacrifice, constituting a supreme threat to women’s emancipation and sexual equality.” (p. 167)

She argues that in the 1970’s women fought and earned new-found freedoms/rights in society.  These rights were born through cultural changes/acceptance (singleness as a viable option, women in leadership, etc.), scientific discoveries (birth control, better formula for babies, epidurals, etc.), and philosophical/political changes (legalization of abortion). She observes that since this era the feminist agenda has gone backwards as culture has emphasized a more natural agenda (due to breastfeeding advocates; child development philosophies, etc.) on top of other factors. Some of these other factors would include government family policies that hinder women staying in the workforce; a slowing economy (leaving less-skilled women unemployed); and children of 70’s moms who felt neglected by their career/rights-driven mom and now want to do things differently than her.

She also spends a lot of time developing the idea that returning to an old maternal instinct of mothering results in a lot of pressure on mothers in addition to a mom’s other desires (seeking fulfillment in other avenues of life… career, art, etc.).

She also observes that “the individualism and hedonism [the doctrine that pleasure or happiness is the sole or chief good in life] that are hallmarks of our culture have become the primary motivations for having children, but also sometimes the reason not to. For a majority of women it remains difficult to reconcile increasingly burdensome maternal responsibilities with personal fulfillment.” (p. 2)  “In a civilization that puts self first, motherhood is a challenge, even a contradiction.” (p. 13)

Badinter’s bigger picture/agenda is summarized well in the opening to chapter four, “The irony of this history is that it was precisely at the point that Western women finally rid themselves of patriarchy [control by men of a disproportionately large share of power] that they acquired a new master at home. Women had achieved financial independence as well as control over whether they had children or not: they had no reason, it seemed, to continue to confront men’s power. Yet, thirty years later, there is no denying that male denomination exists.” (p. 96)

Overall the book’s thought process is a bit fragmented and negligent in discussing the merits of other worldviews related to this topic. Its tone leans more to being a rant rather than an objective analysis of sexual equality in modern motherhood.

I don’t have time at the moment to respond in depth from a Christian worldview to her observations, so I will simply file her thoughts away for processing later in the aforementioned sermon series. The purpose of me placing this on my blog is more for my own filing than for public consumption… that being said the issues she raises are prevalent, so if it gets you thinking and searching the Scriptures for God’s perspective on these issues then great!

 
 

Do Hard Things

Just finished reading "Do Hard Things" by Alex & Brett Harris. I had heard many good things about this book and borrowed it from a colleague. While I didn't find any of the concepts revolutionary, the uniqueness of this book is that it is written by teenagers for teenagers. The authors challenge teens to arm themselves with wisdom and live differently than the norm.

I recommend every parent and teenager read this book. The perfect combination may be a parent and grade seven student going through it together.  It's good for parents because it will challenge their view of the adolescent period and change their goals for their son/daughter.  It's good for teens because it will ask life changing questions.

Here are some quotes from the book:

"By choosing to use our teen years for strict training, we can choose to set direction, develop character, and build momentum for an amazing future." (p.50)

"Without a doubt, pushing yourself to do more than is asked, expected, or required is nearly always a lonely choice." (p.89)

"Habits like working hard, maintaining a positive attitude, living with self-discipline and integrity, and serving others brings benefits to our lives now and pay enormous dividends in the future -- if we do them faithfully." (pp.127-138)

It's written by Christians and is Biblically based. The authors use lots of illustrations and stories to make the concepts easy to understand and fun to read.

You can buy the book here: http://www.amazon.com/Do-Hard-Things-Rebellion-Expectations/dp/1601421125

Chosen But Free

I read Norman L. Geisler's Chosen But Free on Sunday and found it to be a great read.  It addresses one of the most debated theological issues in Christianity, commonly known as 'Calvinism vs. Arminianism'.

The real issue behind the title is how God's sovereignty and man's free will work.  At the outset they seem like two incompatible ideas... how can God be in charge and direct humanity towards his intended destination without violating man's ability to freely choose?

When reading Scripture from cover to cover you discover many verses, passages, and examples that speak to God's sovereignty and providence.  Likewise you see many verses, passages, and examples that speak to the freedom of man to choose right and wrong.

When one is forced to choose between emphasizing God's sovereignty or man's free will it results in devastating results (theologically and practically).

Geisler does a great job of summarizing the devastation at both extremes (along with some variances in between) and articulates a way that both can work.  He responds to critics questions of his stance with solid answers.  I agree with Geisler that both can co-exist... while there's a layer of it that is a mystery (i.e. similar to how Jesus was both God and man), there is also a very grounded theological and practical argument for how both can and should co-exist.

It's not easy theology to navigate, so a book like Geisler's is a great place to start (after reading the Bible from cover to cover).

The Pastor by Eugene Peterson

A while ago I started Eugene Peterson's, The Pastor.  I got bored of reading it halfway through, but parts of it were good.  I've entered my favourie parts below.  They're mostly for me personally, but perhaps they'll be of use to you.

In the process of realizing my vocational identity as pastor, I couldn't help observing that there was a great deal of confusion and dissatisfaction all around me with pastoral identity.  Many pastors, disappointed or disillusioned with their congregations, defect after a few years and find more congenial work.  And many congregations, disappointed or disillusioned with their pastors, dismiss them and look for pastors more to their liking.  ... I wondered if at the root of the defection is a cultural assumption that all leaders are people who "get things done," and "make things happen."  ... while being a pastor certainly has some of these components, the pervasive element in our two-thousand-year pastoral tradition is not someone who "gets things done" but rather the person placed in the community to pay attention and call attention to "what is going on now" between men and women, with one another and with God -- this kingdom of God that is primarily local, relentlessly personal, and prayerful "without ceasing." (p.5)


The way we learn something is more influential than the something that we learn.   No content comes into our lives free-floating: it is always embedded in a form of some kind.  For the basic and integrative realities of God and faith, the forms must also be basic and integrative.  If they are not, the truths themselves will be peripheral and unassimilated.  (p.33)


I am quite sure now that the way I as a pastor came to understand congregation had its beginnings in the "congregational" atmosphere of our butcher shop.  Congregation is composed of people, who, upon entering a church, leave behind what people on the street name or call them.  A church can never be reduced to a place where goods and services are exchanged.  It must never be a place where a person is labeled.  It can never be a place where gossip is perpetuated.  Before anything else, it is a place where a person is named and greeted, whether implicitly or explicitly, in Jesus' name.  A place where dignity is conferred.  (p. 40)


It was a view of life shaped by "the Gospel According to America."  The rewards were obvious, and I enjoyed them.  Hard work pays off.  I learned much in those years in my father's butcher shop, yet there was one large omission that set all other truth dangerously at risk: the omission of holy rest.  The refusal to be silent.  The obsessive avoidance of emptiness. (p. 44) ... Inappropriate, anxiety-driven, fear-driven work [will] only interfere with and distract from what God [is] doing.  My "work" assignment [is] to pay more attention to what God [is doing] than what I [am to] do, and then to find, and guide others to find, the daily, weekly, yearly rhythms that would get this awareness into our bones.  (p. 45)

Grace-Based Parenting

When Terry Janzen (Port Coquitlam Campus Pastor of Northside Foursquare Church and a former youth pastor of 20-some years!) recommended "Grace-Based Parenting" (by Dr. Tim Kimmel) to me a couple years ago as one the best books he has read on parenting (and he's read a lot), I knew I needed to read it.  It's now the book we give out at baby dedications and I highly recommend every parent read it (in addition to daily reading of Scripture).

I read parts of back then, but I made time to read all of tonight... and it is even better than I remember it (perhaps because parenting has become even more relevant to me with growing kids).  :)

Dr. Kimmel does an excellent job of marrying sound theology with practical application.  He describes the big picture well and then gives practical scenarios (in the real world, not the Christian bubble) that put flesh on God's truth.  The thrust of the book is that if parents are being parented by God then they'll be great parents.  In other words, if we raise our kids in the way that God raises us, things will be okay (if we don't trust that then we fundamentally don't trust God).  The author is not one of those guys where grace is a license to do whatever we want, but he argues that grace is the culture and attitude where truth can be planted and take root.  Dr. Kimmel believes that every child has a fundamental need of security, significance, and strength.  He follows that up with comments that all three are answered in love, purpose, and hope (and then describes how to live those out in the real world).

It's a refreshing read.  One that I plan on reading again in a couple years.  I'll put a couple copies in the Church library for circulation.  If you want to have your own, you can buy it at Amazon.
 

 

A Tale of Three Kings

I finally made time to read Gene Edward's, "A Tale of Three Kings: A Study in Brokenness".  It's a quick and brilliant read.  You can get it on Amazon, but I'll put a couple copies in the Church library for circulation.

Gene colourfully reflects on the differences between King Saul, David, and Absalom by creatively (and quite accurately) filling in gaps to the story.  His writing has a Max Lucado style.  It speaks to the difference between a king that is suited for the Kingdom of God and and earthly king.  One seeks the approval of man and rules like a dictator, the other seeks the approval of God and rules like a servant.  This process of becoming a servant is found in how we respond to the things that try to break us... do we take matters into our own hands or do we humbly trust God?

It's a must read for anyone in Church leadership and it's a must read for anyone that has been (or is presently being) hurt by Church leadership.  I found it convicting and inspiring.

 

The Best Christmas Book

Well, I know this is a little late, but in case the topic of Christmas has ever fascinated you, this is the best book I (I have only read five books on the topic) have read on Christmas.  I can't believe how ignorant I was about the season I love so much.

For example, did you know....

• For three centuries Christians did not celebrate Christmas at all (in fact it was banned in England and New England.
• Dickens, Queen Victoria, and Prince Albert did more for the current development of Christmas than any other force.
• Roosevelt changed the date of Thanksgiving in order to lengthen the Christmas shopping season.
• Coca-Cola helped fashion Santa Claus's look in an advertising campaign.
  

It's a quick read with a great summary of the origin, history, and development of Christmas.  Forbes also has a good chapter at the end of what to do with all the information (i.e. how to respond to Christmas from a Christian's perspective).  The annotated bibliography and index are both gold... worth the price alone.

Every pastor should read this book as it will make them much less ignorant about the traditions and history of the most celebrated time of year.  Buy it here or borrow it from my library.