Caring Enough to Confront

I just re-read Caring Enough to Confront by David Augsburger in preparation for a discussion group on this book with some of our ministry leaders. There are very few books that I would recommend everyone read and this is one. Because no one is an island unto them self, this book is helpful for everyone.

Its success is found in the practical way the author rolls out Biblical relational truth and health. While there are lots of folks teaching general principles, very few are able to understand the principle so well that they can break it down in such helpful ways. He literally gives the reader the words to say and the reason for each word.

The basic premise of the book is that confronting those we love doesn’t have to be difficult or destructive. Augsburger teaches that healthy confrontation is critical to the health and growth of all relationships. When done correctly, the net result is that both parties love each other more and are better for the exchange.

I underlined about one-third of the book, but here are a few of my favourite short excerpts [there’s way more stuff that you will find more helpful than the following quotes… these are more for my own filing]:

“Avoiding honest statements of real feelings and viewpoints is often considered kindness, thoughtfulness or generosity. More often it is the most cruel thing I can do to others. It is benevolent lying. Selective honesty is not honesty at all. I find myself using it (1) to avoid real relationships with others … (2) to avoid clear confrontation with others; (3) to manipulate situations or facts to protect myself or others.” (p.31)

“In speaking truthfully, I welcome you to the sacred room of my soul.” (p.32)

“Closed questions have one obvious response. Often they are a strategy for directing, dominating, or controlling the other.  … [Examples] ‘Don’t you feel that…?’ ‘Wouldn’t you rather…?’" (p.34-35)

“’… to demand by angry words or pouting that others recognize the preciousness of the self I am … Such demands fail because in making my demand I reject and ignore the very persons I want to love me’” (p.48 – quoting Frank Kimper)

“When unchallenged, human beings often become self-centered, individualistic, self-absorbed. When unchallenged, human groups tend to drift, wander or stagnate. When unchallenged, relationships tend to repent, become routine, become stale or stuck. Life without challenge and confrontation is directionless, aimless, passive; or selfish, self-serving, empty.” (p. 61)

“A context of caring can be created when a person is truly for another; genuinely concerned about another, authentically related to another.” (p.62)

I underlined Chapter 7 from beginning to end. Everyone needs to read it.

“Which is it? ‘Insanity is inherited – you get it from your children’ or ‘True parents delight as their kids surpass them’?” (p.139)

“’When I kill my enemy, do I destroy my way to God – do I, in fact, kill God?’" (p.164)
 
 

Ordering Your Private World

Just re-read Ordering Your Private World by Gordon MacDonald. It's a classic and needs to be read every few years as it serves to push me back to biblical priorities.

It's a book that speaks most specifically to those in leadership capacities, but can translate to any life/context. Here are some excerpts I found insightful and inspiring:

“Now, there is a busyness that reflects a plan of activity, a pattern of priorities, and a sense of purposefulness. It is a good and satisfying busyness through which one grows and increases competence. But there is also a busyness … that reflects a chaotic way of life – a way doing in which one is simply responding to the next thing in the day.” (p.1)

“Sadly, we do not have a Christian culture today that easily discriminates between a person of spiritual depth and a person of raw talent.” (pp.5-6)

“’Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life.’ (Prov. 4:23)” (p.23)

“How did we get to a day when stress and fatigue are almost a badge of success?” (p.30)

“What I had to learn was that my drivenness needed to be consecrated on a daily basis.” (p.40)

“If my private world is in order, it will be because, having faced up to what drives me, I listen quietly for the call of Christ.” (p.46)

“An audience with Jesus over a period of time exposes all the roots and expression of drivenness.” (p.54)

“When driven people lose things, it is a major crisis. When called people lose them, nothing of substance has changed.” (p.62)

“[John the Baptist’s] parents were marked with an extraordinary depth of integrity, godliness, and perseverance.” (p.68).

“If my private world is in order, it will be because I have made a daily determination to see time as God’s gift and worthy of careful investment.” (p.73)

“… Jesus clearly understood His mission. He had an overarching task to perform, and He measured His use of time against that sense of mission.” (p.82)

“To be in front at the first turn is meaningless without the endurance to finish strongly.” (p.105)

“If we are ever to develop a spiritual life that gives contentment, it will be because we approach spiritual living as a discipline, much as the athlete trains his body for competition.” (p.140)

“Moses brought with him uncompromised standards of heaven; Aaron caved in to the whims of men. It was all in the listening.” (p.154)

“’Blessed be to God for the day of rest and religious occupation wherein earthly things assume their true size. Ambition is stunted.’ [quoting from Wilberforce’s journal]” (p.191)

“Sabbath rest penetrates to the deepest levels of fatigue in the inner, private world. This fatigue is rarely touched by any of the modern amusements.” (p.194)

“… the rest God instituted was meant first and foremost to cause us to interpret our work, to press meaning into it, to make sure we know to whom it is properly dedicated.” (p.195)
  
  

A Tale of Three Kings

I finally made time to read Gene Edward's, "A Tale of Three Kings: A Study in Brokenness".  It's a quick and brilliant read.  You can get it on Amazon, but I'll put a couple copies in the Church library for circulation.

Gene colourfully reflects on the differences between King Saul, David, and Absalom by creatively (and quite accurately) filling in gaps to the story.  His writing has a Max Lucado style.  It speaks to the difference between a king that is suited for the Kingdom of God and and earthly king.  One seeks the approval of man and rules like a dictator, the other seeks the approval of God and rules like a servant.  This process of becoming a servant is found in how we respond to the things that try to break us... do we take matters into our own hands or do we humbly trust God?

It's a must read for anyone in Church leadership and it's a must read for anyone that has been (or is presently being) hurt by Church leadership.  I found it convicting and inspiring.