Take this with a grain of salt... as I've only been a Dad for five years. Every other year I mark an assignment at Pacific Life Bible College where students reflect on their 'adolescent experience'. In this assignment they write about their family's health and how that affected their development.
In many cases they share experiences and feelings which they have never shared with anyone else. (Don't worry, in their second year they go through Freedom Sessions where they are given an opportunity to process their life at the foot of the cross and with supportive, safe relationships.)
A common thing arises in the different life journeys I read. It is my observation that no matter how much parents try to place their kids in a protective bubble, whether by homeschool, Christian school, or close monitoring of public school, their kids experience sin and its pain.
They experience sin through their parents, their siblings, and whoever else they meet. Sin comes in the form of over-protective, over-authoritative, parenting. Sin comes in the form of a parent that works long hours. Sin comes in the form of a depressed parent. Sin comes in the form of a disconnected or conditional love. Sin comes in the form of a nickname that stings and sticks to their identity. Sin comes in the form of physical, emotional, and sexual abuse. Sin happens within their kid's lives even if everyone around them is perfect because it is their kid's nature. Everyone experiences sin and its outcome.
Upon reading these papers I find myself asking questions like, what could their parents have done differently to keep this from happening? Parenting isn't easy.
I am learning to come to peace with the reality that sin exists. I know that despite my best efforts, I will hurt my kids. I know that they will hurt themselves. I know that they will hurt others. I know that others will hurt them. By saying that I am at peace with this reality simply means that I'm not going to lock them in the attic or move to the middle of Alaska, because the problem resides within me and within them.
How should good parents respond? What should the focus of good parents be?
At first you are going to think this is the token Christian answer, but let me spell it out for you. The best thing you can do as a parent is to be head over heals in love with Jesus. Not in a churchy, religious, superficial way, but in a humble, loving, gracious, and growing way.
If you want your kids to experience less sin, start by becoming more like the One who was without sin. This is not a legalistic process, but a lifelong relational journey. Allow Jesus into every part of your life and give Him control. Allow Him to accept and forgive you. Allow the freeing and life giving act of His forgiveness to invade the darkest parts of your life. Live life in His freedom each and every day and you will become more like the person you want to be; more like the person He created you to be! Life in Him and with Him is simply the best... for you, your spouse, and your kids. He will render in you a sustaining joy, delight, and hope.
His life and presence working in and through you will make you healthier which will make your marriage healthier. This is the next priority in good parenting. The natural outflow of a healthy person is healthier relationships and this is realized more obviously in our closest relationships. Furthermore, since marriage is the best experiential platform for our relationship with God, your relationship with your spouse will be the next best thing for your kids. The degree of dysfunction or health in a husband and wife's relationship will determine the balance of the opportunities for hurt or healing in your kids.
The third priority in good parenting is the health of your relationship with your kids. The health of this relationship again will depend on the health of your relationship with Jesus.
One thing is certain: your kids will experience sin and its pain. The part that is up to you is whether or not you surrender your life to Jesus and allow Him to raise you, so that, you can know how to raise them. It really is that simple. It really is that hard.
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